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17 August 2010 @ 05:33 pm
The Great Mayo War  
-True Story-

A couple of months ago my fiancé packed me a sandwich for lunch, without mayonnaise. It makes the bread soggy by lunch so I like to apply it when I’m ready to eat. In the fridge at my office there was a bottle of mayonnaise with another employees name on it. I went to said employee and asked if he minded me using some for my sandwich, to which he replied, “Of course not, you can use it everyday for all I care.”

And so I did. I used it until the bottle was gone and told him I would buy the next one for us to share. Now for those of you who buy mayo, you know that it’s not exactly cheap. A medium sized bottle runs around 4.00 and this is the size bottle I bought to replace his. I marked it with both of our names and left it in the fridge assuming that a bottle that size would surely last months as I barely put any on my bread anyway.

Less than a month later said bottle was gone. Empty. There is no way in hell I used all of that mayonnaise in such a short time and the fellow employee I shared it with hadn’t even used it once. We surmised that someone else was tapping into our mayo supply.

Now I’m not above sharing amongst co-workers, but I do expect to be asked first and an offer to be made about buying the next round like I had done with the first mayo. It bothered me that someone in our office was basically stealing what wasn’t theirs. So for the following week I packed only a tiny baggie of mayo enough for my sandwich in hopes that they would see the mayo missing and replace it. But they didn’t. And after a week of those annoying baggies of mayo I finally folded and purchased another bottle. This time a 2.00 bottle as I am not rich and can not afford to supply the entire office with condiments. I marked mine and my fellow co-workers names on the bottle again and I did not break the seal on the bottle, but I placed it in the fridge so it’d be cold by lunch.

When I went to prepare my sandwich, said bottle was already open and not by either of the names on it. Mayo thief was at it again and actually had the audacity to open a bottle they knew damn well wasn’t theirs. And to top that, tablespoons worth of mayo was already missing from the bottle. Tablespoons! I was livid and expressed my anger with the co-worker who actually shared the bottle with me.

Now he’s the sort of guy who loves to mess with people, and he’s also a fan of starting drama. (Working in an office full of men has taught me that most men are equally as caddy as woman by the way, they live for drama just as much as us.) Anyway, he immediately started knocking out possible suspects and when he’d finally pinned the one he thought for sure it was, someone neither of us can even stand, he approached him. Things went down like this:

He said, “Hey, looks like you got some mayo on your lip.”

The person swiped at their mouth and said, “Yeah probably, I made tuna for lunch today.”

“Ohhhhh, so you’re the one who’s been using all of our mayonnaise.”

“Well yeah, you can’t have tuna without mayonnaise.”

Well yeah? Um, I wasn’t aware it was okay to steal from others just because tuna needed it. I’m thinking; bring your own damn mayonnaise then. WTF?!

My mayo buddy says, “Well don’t you think it’d be appropriate if you chipped in then, or I don’t know, maybe asked to use it first?”

The guy just shrugged like the thought hadn’t occurred to him at all. After our furious glares he finally hands him a dollar. A dollar! He’s been using ¾ of the mayo and he thinks a dollar covers that?

This did not cool my temper at all, knowing who it was only made me hate him more than I already did. I measured the mayo from that point on, tablespoons missing everyday and a week and half later the new bottle was already riding on E.

So here we are today, current day and its lunch. I hear him in the kitchen talking to another employee about how he’s having tuna, and eats it every day because it’s so cheap. Sure it’s cheap, because you aren’t buying all of the components, I’m thinking. I’m waiting for him to finish so I can see if he left enough for me to make my sandwich, knowing full well that he probably didn’t. And sure enough when I get in there I had to fight the bottle and stick a knife in it to scrape some out. Bottle basically empty now, I return it to the fridge because I know he won’t buy a new one and will scrape it clean tomorrow for his tuna.

When I let the person I share the mayo with know that it is once again empty he went straight into the kitchen, his eyes mischievous, and I just knew revenge was a foot. Simply, we’ve had enough.

He literally poured salt into the bottle for at least 2 minutes and followed it with 10 packets of sweet and low, and then he shook the bottle vigorously so it’s mixed well and put it back in the fridge smiling devilishly. I couldn’t help but feel equally as spirited about what was to come. It’s not like it will hurt him, but it certainly won’t taste good and will hopefully teach him a lesson you would think a grown man should know.

Don’t take what’s not yours and if you do, prepare to face the consequences!

Bet it will be a long time before he eats tuna again now. ;)

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Current Music: Ashes Divide – “Denial Waits”
 
 
 
Heather: Bite Youedgyauthor on August 22nd, 2010 02:57 am (UTC)
Wow, that sounds SO annoying. At least karma got a chance to step in against the Mayo Thief. :P
swhistedswhisted on August 22nd, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I suppose Karma had its way with him. Would have been more exciting though had I got to thoroughly enjoy that karmatic vengeance. I know, that sounds wrong, but….